Scattered.

I live a scattered life. I flit and flutter from thing to thing right now and life runs in crazy zig-zags. My brain chases trails but always scurries to the next before finalizing the initial. So I'm driving on my cell phone then texting as I hang up, I'm writing myself sticky-notes and trying to mentally record words and phrases in my head to make sure I remember them too. I run home to check e-mail, facebook, and voicemail. My planner is fully of places to be and things to do but there is little fluidity between them. I'm resolving life here, planning for life there, prepping for a classroom, and gathering technology and necessities for life in between. Right now, I am living a scattered life.

I roam from place to place. Currently, I have three homes: Danielle's condo, my dads, and my sisters. I spend about a third of my time at each these past couple of weeks. Months ago, it used to be that my "home" was here, at Danielle's place. And I would come home to the feeling of "ah, home" and settle. Now instead I hustle around and leave with papers splattered still across the counter, from days ago, and run to another "home" for the hours of the day. In less than two weeks, I will add another "home" to my list of three, making the fourth with some girls in North Carolina. So I will have stuff present or stored at Danielle's, my dad's, my Charlotte residence, and my new classroom, not to mention the fact that in December I'll need to move again.

I have scattered friendships. This doesn't diminish them in anyway, or show lack of dependence or deepening to them. It's simply a fact. I have friends in Grand Rapids, most are connections to individuals rather than groups, but give life and depth and strength to my world here. Then I have solid and long-lasting friendships distributed across the globe. From Colorado to California to Washington to Indiana to Illinois to Morocco to Carolina to Kentucky to the Philippines, these friendships sustain me. They are a quality of depth that reach and linger in and throughout phone conversations and pieces of life. They are years in the making, but years holding too. All of these friendships, near and far, are symbols and gifts to me. They are good, they are blessings. They are scattered. [I love you girls!]

So I live this scattered life. It's okay for now. I don't want to take away from any of the friendships, no matter how close or remote they are. I need them, and I like to think and hope at times, they need me. But I would like to pair down the rest of it. To have my boxes in one place, my to-do list more reasonable, my 'central' life in one location. My heart a bit more focused. I read once that Jesus had a focused heart (Just like Jesus, Lucado), and that is what I aim to be. It's hard to be truly loving and deep in community and dedicated in commitment when one is scattered all over and seemingly thinly doing any of the mentioned. But that's okay. For now, I'll do my best, scattered.