Time to Be.

I want time to write. I want time to think. I want time to breathe, to reflect, to be. To see Jesus in the ordinary, and know him in my heart in the extraordinary. I want time to flourish in him again...

I gathered so much of this between the holidays and snow days, that now its suffocating to not have it, and shuts my heart off...

On another hand.... my boss reminds me everyday that they have to make cuts next year, and I'm on the lowest end of the totem pole, so to make sure I work hard to try and keep my job.

I hate that. I don't love my job enough to sell my heart to it.

In honesty, if I loose it, I'm at stillness and peace. Because that means I'm released from teaching, once and for all, no more wonderings... And then I know what things I'll throw myself into -- I'll nanny again full time for cash and space in life, and throw myself into my church -- the women specifically, and maybe youth... And simply love and give, and be...

I just need a minute, to be loved, encouraged. I just need a few more heartbeats to gather in today. To read. To write. To let go. To be.